It’s the way they tell ’em

Jet has got really into telling jokes. He loves my brother’s gags – we all do – and despite the fact he doesn’t always really understand why they are funny, he will tell and retell them, making them his own.

Will: Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Jet: I don’t know! Why!?

Will: Because 7, 8, 9!

Everyone: Ha ha ha!

(A while later)

Jet: Why is 3 afraid of 4?

Everyone: I don’t know – why?

Jet: Because 4, 5, 6! Ha ha ha!

Jet will then repeat this joke for any other set of consecutive numbers, oblivious to the word play involved in the original’s success. Ad infinitum.

20170402_110254Sometimes, The Innovator nails it, though.

Jet: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Jet: Banana.

Me: Banana who?

Jet: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Jet: Melon.

Me: Melon who?

Jet: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Jet: Grapes.

Me: Grapes who?

(Repeat this for almost every type of fruit you can think of, including some you are surprised he knows the names of and some you yourself didn’t previously know the names of either)

Jet (Eventually): Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Jet: Orange.

Me: Orange who?

Jet: Orange you glad all the other fruit’s gone?!

Me: Yes, son. Extremely glad!

Friends and relatives are required to give him their undivided attention, regardless of how frequently he tells the same joke, and laughter is compulsory, even if the joke is not funny. You’d better make it convincing; poor performances will not go unchallenged.

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“Look, Mummy! I’m you!” (If I have ever coloured my face in blue, then I don’t remember…)

Never one to miss a bandwagon, Stella has jumped aboard. And if you thought Jet’s success rate was slightly below par, she makes him look like Bob Monkhouse. Her technique consists of finding a formula, then listing everything she can see. Thus, a joke told at the bakery would involve bread products, snacks, etc. A car park based joke would have a lot of vehicle references. A joke told on the bus could literally be about anything you might see on the bus. (Seriously, you see all sorts on the bus. A while back I saw a woman wearing a wolf fleece carrying a cat in a basket on the 192.) Here’s a little snapshot of one of her carefully written routines, as told to me between the bathroom and the kids’ bedroom…

Stella: Mummy, can I tell you a joke?

Me (doubtfully): I don’t know. Can you?

Stella: How did a pig go with a fox and a goat and lights?

Me: I don’t know?

Stella: Standoors!

Me: Was that the punchline?

Stella (hot off the success of that little gem): How did stairs go with a computer and 2 doors and 2 radios?

Me: Well….

Stella (keen to maintain the momentum she’s built): How does a book go with a changing mat and a Tiny Tim and a picture?

Me: Er…

Stella: How did a dressing up go with a fan and a little tiny baby and a bus?

Me: (Starting to chuckle)

Stella: How does a bus go with a… (shouts) Why are you laughing?!

Me: Because you’re telling me a joke!

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What can I say? Loons.
Little Hearts, Big Love
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4 thoughts on “It’s the way they tell ’em

  1. As one of your top fans I am so pleased to read this today a) just because I love you writing stuff and b) because your children are hilarious. That orange joke is award winning surely….loving jet’s advanced knowledge of comedy timing too! And Stella…brilliant. We’re in a similar phase with E. He starts with ‘how about this joke?’ And proceeds to not tell us anything resembling a joke as such just this and that and rhyming words and often, far too often, the punchline is ‘poo on your head’. I’m so very proud.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jet and E would appreciate each other’s sense of humour for sure – according to Jet and Stella there’s not much as funny as ‘bum bum poo’, so it’s surprising that they even bother with the build up at all! xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol, they have a way to go before they’ll be making the comedy circuit but they did make me chuckle with their jokes nonetheless. I love the way kids tell jokes without really understanding what makes the punchline funny so you get all sorts of random things added to the joke. Although I can imagine knock knock jokes endlessly listing every fruit you can imagine gets somewhat wearing after a while! Thanks for sharing with #ftmob 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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