How to host the perfect barbecue

  1. Make sure you buy lots of snacks like crisps and that for people to eat whilst they wait for the real food. Then, and this is the important bit, forget to put them out and find them lurking in the cupboard after everyone has gone home.

Tunnel wars. You weren’t there, man.

2. Have lots of children and only one or two of something they all want to play with, space hoppers or a play tunnel work well for this. This will ensure a calm and relaxed environment in which everyone can enjoy the snacks you forgot to put out.

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3. Whilst we’re on that theme, make sure you have a limited number of balloons and that the children play with them next to your raspberry bushes. Also, buy cheap bubbles so the wands fall irretrievably back inside the bottle as many times as possible. Adult fingers will be just a bit too big to offer muchย assistance.

Children are well known for their love of vegetables

4. Feed the kids first, but not before you realise it is already one o’clock and they have been subsisting on carrot sticks, grapes and watermelon due to your slackness. Forget to put out the packaged kiddy munch that you bought specially.

5. Arbitrarily pick 11 am as the start time, then as 11 o’clock draws nigh, panic wildly that some people might actually turn up on time, when you are still making a salad and haven’t brushed your hair yet. Ignore the first few guests/leave them to entertain your kids whilst you frantically slice things whilst putting on your make up.

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Lo! Behold the deck! Look upon his works, ye mighty, and eat sausages

6. Intend to take millions of photos to capture thisย happy time spent with friends, but in reality just buzz about like a blue-arsed fly to and from the kitchen to the point where you barely speak to everyone, let alone take any pictures. Manage to take one, which is a photo of someone else taking a photo (above). Ensure your other half is basically incarcerated behind a fence chargrilling things, so he can’t talk to anyone either.

Thanks to my lovely guests for putting up with my lackadaisical barbecue-hosting skills. Thanks also to Chris for barbecuing from the chokey. We had a wonderful day!

Want to read all about the many hours of preparation that went into this event? Click here!




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44 thoughts on “How to host the perfect barbecue

  1. I laughed out loud at the part about opening the door without having done your hair yet – this exact moment occurred to me last time we hosted…my friends from north Wales were greeted by me looking like I had licked a socket, having let my hair dry naturally while I made the salads…needless to say I let them ge their own drinks while the GHDs and I had some alone time upstairs ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub – at least it wasn’t raining!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahah this made me laugh. You forgot ‘only remember the coeliac guest 10 minutes before everyone is due and fight over who will go and buy gluten free food’ & ‘pick the one rainy day of the whole week to have your barbecue’ ๐Ÿ˜‚ When we are with our families it’s all very relaxed and we cook a bit of food at a time and just let the kids run feral while we drink pimms, usually! Ellen x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! Yes, experience teaches us so much, but also gives us a good laugh! What I didn’t mention was that I also did drink a lot of Pimms. That, after all, is the whole point ๐Ÿ˜‰ x


  3. Haha, excellent! I’ve never hosted +a BBQ and nor would I. Waaay too much hard work. I prefer to hang around and wait for invites to other people’s ๐Ÿ˜€


    Liked by 1 person

  4. Back from #KCACOLS again, it sounds an awful lot like our BBQS we had one Sunday for my daughters bday and realised it was 2oclock and the babies hadn’t eaten since breakfast! Not my finest hour. I also chain the OH to the BBQ, it suits him there I feel. Thanks for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you can come back again next Sunday.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is too funny. I also go into such events thinking that I’m going to OWN instagram with the evidence, end up trying to take a few bad selfies which I delete on account of all of my chins, then have someone else tag me in something hideous on facebook instead. Gah. Thank you for linking to #chucklemums ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Haha! This is exactly how any kind of party is meant to go as far as I’m concerned (& why I don’t do hosting things!) – anyone who says otherwise is weird! & what the hell is wrong with those bubble wands – I hate them! Which is unfortunate as my kids have recently become obsessed with the things!

    Thanks so much for joining us on #FridayFrolics! Please come back! x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! True. I plan to buy a couple of decent ones and fill em up from a massive bottle of solution from now on. They also had peel-off foil, which was not remotely peelable, by the way! x Thanks for hosting ๐Ÿ™‚


  7. LACKADAISICAL BARBECUE. I love this description. I was giggling through this! I love the description about the balloons near raspberry bushes! I’m impressed by your level of planning and carrot stick chopping! Need to get me some decking! Thank you for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

    Liked by 1 person

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