Jet’s CV #2 – Dr Jet

A new fascination has flourished, and with it more job prospects. In recent months, Jet has developed a thirst for knowledge around the organs, bones and systems of the human body.

The bladder and the digestive system have been popular topics as we brush his teeth – who doesn’t love poo and wee chat during the dental hygiene routine? No. Me neither.

“The Human Body” book has become Jet’s bible of late and he loves flicking through it. I acquired this book after an educational supplier gifted it to a school I used to work in. A particularly prudish colleague deemed it too ‘informative’ for a group of five to eleven year olds and was about to throw in in a skip when she decided to get rid of it in my general direction instead. Although I am all for openness with children, even I have to admit that there is only so much info that most primary aged kids can take on board about gonorrhoea.

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It is extremely detailed and not particularly age appropriate, but he loves its in-depth diagrams of the layers of the dermis, the nervous system, parts of the brain, etc. Despite extensive study of his favourite book, he does have a few misapprehensions. For example, his assertion that women have a ‘wilm’ in which they grow babies. This has lead to all sorts of questions, such as: “Does Stella have a wilm? Where is it? How can she born babies?” I nervously await the day he starts asking random women in the street about their wilms :/

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I asked him if he needed a wee the other day, and he replied, “No thanks, my bladder is empty.” As it was bedtime and he’d had a big drink with his dinner, I persevered. “No, Darling.” He explained patiently, in the manner of an expert talking to a layman. “It hasn’t got to my bladder yet. That takes three days. It’s still in my thingies.”

I think he meant kidneys 🙂

For his birthday we bought him a doctor’s outfit and tools of the trade, including a real working stethoscope. Donning his scrubs, he gave me the once over. After listening to my heart, he announced, “Just as I thought! Your arm is chipped.” He rifled through his kit bag, pulling out a plaster which he applied to the back of my right hand. Shaking his head, he continued, “So is the other one.”

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I bet all doctors have their name written in their scrubs from that time they wore them to playgroup…

 

“How do you think I managed to chip both of my arms?” I asked the doctor.

“You must have cutted them both on two really chippedy knives.” He said, authoritatively. “It’s going to be sore for two days.” He had another flick though his box of tricks. “I’ve got no more plasters, I’m afraid.”

I felt quite entitled to that second plaster – after all, I had paid for them. Not as a tax payer, you understand, but as his mummy buying him a birthday present. Also, I could feel the healing power of the first one as the placebo effect worked its magic. How was my second chipped arm supposed to heal without it? This was surely symptomatic of the appalling NHS cuts in action! I was gearing up to write to my MP.

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Dr Jet was off writing up his notes. He painstakingly sounded out “Your sore chip” on a post-it note in fluorescent pink highlighter pen. “We’ll stick that on the wall now, so your parents will know.” He bustled back towards me holding a pill bottle. “You need this. Funny vitamins for your arm.”

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Meanwhile, the more junior of the two Junior doctors was busy chewing the block of post-its. Dr Jet dispensed more of his wisdom, “You’re supposed to write on that, not chew it!” he instructed. The care I had received for my chippedy knives-related injuries really had been top notch. And whilst he tended to me, he was also supervising Dr Stella, who was following him around offering helpful interjections such as “Arm!” and trying to copy everything he said.

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I think Stella misread Hippocratic as Hippo-cat-ic. See what I did there?

 

 

My treatment seen to, both doctors sped off on their ‘ba-bas’, Stella’s name for the ride-on toys we misguidedly have in the living room. “It’s the ambulance!” shouted Dr Jet. Upon arriving at the scene, Dr Jet had a question. “Do floors have hearts?” he asked. Getting down on his hands and knees with his stethoscope, he found the answer – “They do!”

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Jet Linford Houdini Hanby

Curriculum Vitae

Education: Leapfrog Nursery, human body aficionado (self-taught)

Specialist skills: In-depth vocabulary vis-à-vis the body, including both internal and external parts, asking personal questions relating to health and the body to anyone he meets, keeping unsocial hours, wild misconceptions – specialising in gynaecology

Other interests: Entrepreneurship, jumping, nudism, selective hearing and a seemingly insatiable thirst for “cup of teas” (aka milk)

Seeks role as: health practitioner

Areas for development: bedside manner, any sort of political awareness, a  lexicon of insults suitable for use against Jeremy Hunt

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44 thoughts on “Jet’s CV #2 – Dr Jet

  1. Haha oh I loved this it sounds like he is a great doctor! Although I am a bit worried about the floor having a heartbeat 😉 Sounds like you got the best treatment available for your chipped arms #KCACOLS

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  2. Haha I love this. He sounds like he has an excellent bedside manner! However, I am slightly concerned that he may require some more training at his medical school as I pretty sure floors don’t have heartbeats 😉 Unless actually he is just a genius and knows something that we don’t 🙂 #KCACOLS

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  3. Alice, I love your style of writing, it’s truly amazing, it makes you want to read on- I think you should write children’s books!
    Your son is doing better than some of these doctors, good bed side manner!
    Lol the bit about the floor having a heart beat….. That’s so imaginative! Love it😂😂😂plaster shortage…. It really does make me worry about the Nhs crisis! 🤔😂😂😂
    I look forward to your next article…, Lydia that use to work at Lancsxxx

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  4. Totally agree with Lydia…love your style Alice! Ahh I was so happy to see this pop into my inbox yesterday night! I love how children can choose completely age inappropriate books and household items to fixate on. We’ve also got that book and the human pregnant body…possibly disturbing, I don’t know! So far E hasn’t chosen either from the bookcase…
    And chippedy knives is the best thing I think I’ve ever heard…I may well steal that and declare all my knives chippedy from here on in! xx

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    1. You are lovely. But yes, they do seem to like the things we buy with them in mind so much less , don’t they?! I got him a lovely Usborne age-appropriate body book where you can lift the flaps – he still prefers his Human Body tome! x

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  5. Hilarious! Jet is doing a much more professional job of doctoring than my mini doctor – writing out notes and everything! Though his diagnostic skills do seem pretty similar! I would be a bit nervous about Dr Stella, I must admit – I do always prefer my doctors not to be eating their notes during my consultation (they can do that after!) I am evil, but I do kind of hope that Jet DOES start asking random women about their wilms – how funny would that be?

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  6. That’s brilliant – love Dr Jet’s fascination with the human body book, referring to kidneys as “thingies” and asking if Stella has a “wilm”. I hope you’ve fully recovered from your chippedy knives injury and Dr Stella sounds like she provided excellent assistance. Thanks for linking up to #ftmob 🙂

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  7. Brilliant! I love the way you have written all of it, especially the CV-genius!! It’s pretty amazing that he’s so into the human body, with an obvious thirst for knowledge!! We’ve got 2 of the same Drs kits you’ve got (one for each monster, to prevent punchups!!) and the children love them, but don’t yet have any enthusiasm for finding out more about the parts of the body they are ‘examining!’ I used to be a nurse, so I’m not easily offended by the graphic books-I’ll probably end up letting the children look at massively inappropriate stuff when they finally ask about bodily functions!! It looks like the care he gave you was exemplary, much better than some of the Drs I used to see in action! Thank you so much for sharing with #bigpinklink!

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  8. Haha this is brilliant. He sounds like he’ll make an excellent doctor – and it’s brilliant that he is so interested in all the body stuff. Good on him, even if he does ask strangers about their wilms 🙂 #bigpinklink #KCACOLS

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  9. Hello! So glad I linked up to #BloggerClubUK and found this. I think you might write for the same reasons I do – because I so badly don’t want to forget conversations / episodes like this. Aren’t they amazing? Jet sounds fabulous – quite like my daughter, NG, who is OBSESSED with being ‘Dr Jesson’ (her own doctor). She’s only two so she has a way to go yet ..:) Thanks for writing this; it’s lightened my night! x

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    1. Ooh hello, yes I think I might write for those reasons 🙂 It is a great way to keep track of the madness, isn’t it! Well, Jet is twice as old as your daughter, but still hasn’t quite graduated from medical school 😉 Thank you for the lovely comment – I will have to pop over to your blog now and have a butcher’s xa

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  10. This is fantastic! You definitely have a doctor in the making here. Dr. Jet sounds very thorough & kind too. I’m glad you got the chip on your arm sorted out lol It was a great idea to add a working stethoscope into the kit – how exciting! Thanks so much for sharing with #bloggerclubuk x

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  11. Eek! Chipped arms! I’m always worrying that I’m coming down with that – more common than we realise. Sounds like Dr Jet is on the case though – I eagerly await his turn on the BBC Breakfast sofa educating the nation about their thingies and wilms. Thanks for linking this up at #sharethejoy and making my morning Alice x

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